Month: January 2020

First, the post basically has nothing to do with the NCAA Championship football game last night. Congrats LSU. I am very happy for all my LSU football loving friends and family that y’all won last night. I will be even happier when things go back to normal and y’all lose to Bama again during the next college football season. This mild disturbance in the force will not last.

Second, last night one of the two greatest coaches in college football history trended on social media even though his team, the greatest university in college football history, wasn’t playing. In my opinion, Nick Saban trended on social media because, 1) some people were convinced they could read the agony on his face, and 2) because snarkiness is one of the more fun aspects of college football. I love the second reason. College football snark is awesome. I laugh every time Bama gets a sack and the Million Dollar Band starts playing “Look Down” from Les Mis, or Mississippi State trolling Ole Miss by playing “Baby Shark“. Those are great moments. College football sass is awesome.

I do however have problems with the implications of the first reason, that “some people were convinced they could read the agony on his face.” Not really because of it picking on Nick Saban. He’s a grown man who has put himself in the public. Part of his job is dealing with such shenanigans. Go after Saban all you want, he gets paid over 8 million dollars to deal with such things and he is probably going to smash your team in the mouth next year anyhow (I’m a fan and Bama is the best – at least until South, Alabama, my B.S. alma mater, can play with the big boys – Go Jaguars!).

My problem is with the fact that as a chaplain I deal with many people who are convinced that they can tell what someone is thinking or what another person’s motives are based off of that person’s facial expressions and this incident with Nick Saban demonstrates this in a joking manner.

Here’s one of the images that have been used demonstrate that Saban hated Corso picking LSU.

Some people think that they can read Saban’s pain in the above photos. Maybe you can, and maybe you can’t. I don’t know. Personally, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was in a little emotional pain because he wanted to be the one coaching in rather than commenting on the game. But I couldn’t figure that out for certainty based on his face.

Unfortunately in real life many people I deal with make really bad, quick decisions based on being convinced they can read the feelings and motivations of another person. As a society we seem to have become convinced that we are all experts at reading other people’s emotions from their facial expressions. I think a great deal of “reality TV” is based on this fallacy. If it just stayed in the fake world of “reality TV” that would be fine, but when real people instantly respond to such wrong thinking lots of people get hurt – both the person responding and the ones they are responding to/on.

“I know they meant to do that because I could see them smile.” Maybe you could, maybe you couldn’t. “I could read on their face that they were truly sorry.” Maybe you could, maybe you couldn’t. Some of the research coming out on the effectiveness of judges determining sentences versus risk-based sentencing would seem to indicate that we as humans are no where near as good as we think we are on guessing the actual emotions that are going on inside another person.

So people become convinced they know the real motivations of another person without talking to that person and often respond in hurtful or destructive manners to their very possibly wrong guesses of the other’s emotions and motives. This often makes things worse, and rarely seems to make them better.

I tend to think our guesses of another person’s emotional life say more about our own emotional life. We often see our own faults and fears in the person we are accusing. Those accusations are our own judgement against us. I’ll use Saban again as an example here. The people posting about Saban being in torment in this situation are probably just revealing that they want him to be in torment. I think Saban is probably doing just fine.

Thinking that you know what another person is feeling and is motivated by without talking to them doesn’t really cost anything when it involves a college football coach – in fact, it can lead to some fun snarkatude. However, when it involves real people in your life it is an entirely different story. Then such belief can lead to dangerously destructive and hurtful actions. When I am emotionally hurt by someone I try to assume that I don’t know what is really going on in that person’s inner life until I have illegitimate reasons to know, and even then hopefully I approach my conclusion with doubt and humility. I believe this helps life to go better.

As for Saban, pick on him all you want – he’s keeping a list of names and will get you back. 🙂

The book I was reading this past week (“Nudge: Improving Decisions About Health, Wealth, and Happiness” by Richard H. Thaler) and the wonderful Stacking Benjamins podcast that I regularly listen to have both had interesting suggestions concerning how to up your giving that I thought I would share. I believe giving is important, especially if you a follower of Jesus. If you are a follower of Jesus then I basically see giving as spiritual training. Every time I give I am essentially saying “this is not my god” and it helps me to trust that I depend on the Lord of Hosts rather than on my own resources. Specifically, I believe that for Christians generosity is important for two reasons:

1. It is a spiritual act of proclaiming Who we trust. Giving is the equivalent of saying “this money is not my god.” We give to remember that at the end of the day we trust in the Lord of Host, not our own resources.
2. It is an acknowledgement that we are recipients of gifts form God. We don’t create our resources. Instead we receive them from God. Therefore, if the Creator wants us to give the gifts He has given us, we should do so. ” Freely you have received; freely give.” (Matthew 10:8b)

Please notice that the two reasons I listed didn’t involve “YOU HAVE TO GIVE”. Christians are free. You don’t HAVE to give, we GET to give. We’re free to give extravagantly because we know our money is not our god and we have received gifts from the Lord of Hosts.

Wisconsin, the great state that I love living in, is rated on the lower side of giving in our nation. Here’s the bottom 10 giving states (percent of income) from a 2015 study.

I personally believe that most residents of the United States of America, and people of faith in particular (who generally give more than non-religious people- study here and here), desire to be generous.

So I thought I would list some of the suggestions in the article on Marriage, Kids, and Money while also commenting on their suggestions.

Here goes:

1. Ladder Up Your Giving

This is just like “laddering” your savings rate. You start with what you can give and then give a little more later as you have gotten used to giving what you started with or as your income increases through raises or bonuses. In his book “Nudge” Thaler refers to this as “Give More Later”. You start small and teach yourself, and your spending, to begin giving. Generosity is just like almost everything else, you can train yourself to do what doesn’t come naturally.

2. Encourage Your Kids to Give

Start ’em early and it will be easier later. I believe most of us want to raise generous kids. Pam and I used the 3 jar system with the boys – one jar for the money you can spend, another jar for the money you are saving, and a third jar for the money you get to give to help. It is a simple little system that I believe worked very well for us. Personal favorite story from this was when Noah wanted to give more than he had saved and decided to sell lemonade in front of the Ring, our church’s college ministry at the time, and now one of my favorite churches, Living Hope Fellowship. Those college students bought a lot of lemonade and he used all that money to increase the giving he personally cared about.

3. Make Giving Automatic

There is an old saying that, “budgets don’t matter, we adjust to what we have.” While I believe budgets do matter I get the point of the saying. We adjust to the resources we have. Therefore, if you want to give or increase you giving make it automatic and you’ll find that as long as you are giving close to your present means you will adjust your spending behavior to the less money you now have. Then you can adjust your automatic giving, give more, and watch yourself adjust again. You may already be doing this with you retirement (i.e. taking it out before you see it in your bank account), this is just using the same behavior for giving. I like to do this at the beginning of the first paycheck so that I am adjusting to it throughout the month.

4. Find Charities That Move You (I would add get involved in that charity – all the better if it is a local one)

It is easier to give to what you care about. We tend to care more about the organizations that we are actually involved in. You want to become a giving person? Why not begin by giving to an organization that supports a cause you care about or that you are already involved in? If there is something you care about I would bet money (Ha, see what I did there) that there is a non-profit that works on that subject you care about. Support them as they do the work and you suddenly are a part of that work. What I believe you will find is that you will begin to feel good about supporting that organization and may want to therefore start supporting more organizations that do work you believe in. If you are a part of a religious community I would encourage you to support that organization – when you do you will usually be supporting many other organizations that do good work too. 

Here are a few that the Terrell family believes in and support:

• • • Tapestry Church (It might be a little self-serving to put this first)
    • World Vision
    • InterVarsity Christian Fellowship – Stevens Point Campus
    • International Justice Mission
    • CREATE Portage County
    • Children’s Cancer Research Fund
    • Compassion International
    • Baptist Global Response
    • ReachAcross International
    • Portage County United Way
    • Wisconsin Public Television
    • Market Place – American Public Media

This is our list of regulars. I promise you that you can find your own regulars easily. If you care about something there is an organization doing good work on that thing you care about that you can support. Even if it is weaving cardigans for hairless dogs. 

5. Random Acts of Kindness

I love Random Acts of Kindness. I think they are all the better when they are a part of a purposeful desire to be more generous. The reason I stress this is because I think almost every one enjoys during a random act of kindness every now and then, but being generous isn’t about doing it every now and then. Instead, within generosity random acts of kindness happen because the person is becoming a giving person. So giving it what they naturally do. For believers I believe this fits within the two reasons I mentioned at the beginning of the post: 1) “This isn’t my god so I’ll just give it away,: and 2) “This was given to me and I trust that the God Who owns the “cattle on a thousand hills” (Psalm 50:10) will continue to take care of me. so I can gift it to someone else.” Random Acts of Kindness are a great way to expand generosity throughout our entire day.

There is lots of other advice out there. The key is starting to take regular steps. Give what you can to make the world a better place now, do so regularly. and you will eventually be surprised at how much good you have supported.

I hate it when I work out a blog post in my mind while I am in the haze of sleep and then forget it after I go back to sleep. I usually have a pad and pen on my nightstand for writing down things that relate to Tapestry’s messages, but I didn’t do it with this idea and now I can’t remember what I was thinking. I do remember that at the time I thought “oh, I like the way that works together” and that it was dealing with Texas Governor Greg Abbott’s announcement that Texas will no longer accept resettlement of new refugees. I can’t remember what it was but let’s just assume that it was one of the more brilliant things that I have ever written or said, and leave it at that.

Since I can’t remember what I was going to write about the Texas governor’s response to more refugees I’ll post a section from the Shepherd of Hermas dealing with helping the poor.

You may have never heard of the Shepherd of Hermas. It is devotional writing from the 1st century, very early in the history of the church. It isn’t scripture but it is Christians figuring out how to live out their transformation from the Lord and what we are taught in scripture. It is some of the best devotional writing that the church has ever produced. The writing in the Shepherd has continued to guide people in the church in how to walk as followers of Christ because it has consistently given insight into what it means to be a follower of Jesus.

This portion is the second similitude of the third book of the Shepherd:

“As I was walking in the field, and observing an elm and vine, and determining in my own mind respecting them and their fruits, the Shepherd appears to me, and says, What is it that you are thinking about the elm and vine? I am considering, I reply, that they become each other exceedingly well. These two trees, he continues, are intended as an example for the servants of God. I would like to know, said I, the example which these trees you say, are intended to teach. Do you see, he says, the elm and the vine? I see them sir, I replied. This vine, he continued, produces fruit, and the elm is an unfruitful tree; but unless the vine be trained upon the elm, it cannot bear much fruit when extended at length upon the ground; and the fruit which it does bear is rotten, because the plant is not suspended upon the elm. When, therefore, the vine is cast upon the elm, it yields fruit both from itself and from the elm. You see, moreover, that the elm also produces much fruit, not less than the vine, but even more; because, he continued, the vine, when suspended upon the elm, yields much fruit, and good; but when thrown upon the ground, what it produces is small and rotten. This similitude, therefore, is for the servants of God — for the poor man and for the rich. How so, sir? said I; explain the matter to me. Listen, he said: The rich man has much wealth, but is poor in matters relating to the Lord, because he is distracted about his riches; and he offers very few confessions and intercessions to the Lord, and those which he does offer are small and weak, and have no power above. But when the rich man refreshes the poor, and assists him in his necessities, believing that what he does to the poor man will be able to find its reward with God — because the poor man is rich in intercession and confession, and his intercession has great power with God — then the rich man helps the poor in all things without hesitation; and the poor man, being helped by the rich, intercedes for him, giving thanks to God for him who bestows gifts upon him. And he still continues to interest himself zealously for the poor man, that his wants may be constantly supplied. For he knows that the intercession of the poor man is acceptable and influential with God. Both, accordingly, accomplish their work. The poor man makes intercession; a work in which he is rich, which he received from the Lord, and with which he recompenses the master who helps him. And the rich man, in like manner, unhesitatingly bestows upon the poor man the riches which he received from the Lord. And this is a great work, and acceptable before God, because he understands the object of his wealth, and has given to the poor of the gifts of the Lord, and rightly discharged his service to Him. Among men, however, the elm appears not to produce fruit, and they do not know nor understand that if a drought come, the elm, which contains water, nourishes the vine; and the vine, having an unfailing supply of water, yields double fruit both for itself and for the elm. So also poor men interceding with the Lord on behalf of the rich, increase their riches; and the rich, again, aiding the poor in their necessities, satisfy their souls. Both, therefore, are partners in the righteous work. He who does these things shall not be deserted by God, but shall be enrolled in the books of the living. Blessed are they who have riches, and who understand that they are from the Lord. [For they who are of that mind will be able to do some good. ] “

The reason I quote this text is because I believe far too often we who are followers of Christ (I’m not speaking for those here who aren’t) view people who are struggling as burdens that interrupt our lives rather than opportunities for us to extend and to personally experience the grace of God through these individuals. I believe this is why the author of the letter to the Hebrews (13:2) records, “to [not forget to] show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.”

If you were raised in a tradition that holds to sacramental theology then you were a part of a tradition with the belief that there are certain events and elements are means of God extending/communicating His grace (yes sacramental friends I know it is more than that). I have some serious problems with sacramental theology (right Conor😁) but if I did believe scripture taught that there were visible means of extending grace of His invisible act of grace (outside of the crucifixion and resurrection) it would be through those in need, the weak, and poor. When we help our brothers and sisters in need we minister tp the hidden Christ and there we find Him in grace.

The refugees who are coming to us out of fear of what will happen to them in their home countries (because that is what is happening here – refugees aren’t people trying to steal jobs, but people fleeing their homeland to protect themselves and their families) are opportunities for us to show and experience the grace of God. Instead we often respond with “I can’t help anymore” (which often just means “I don’t want to”) and turn our back on grace.

Knowing that it could be Jesus standing at our door should guide a Christian’s response to not only this situation but every situation. The Lord stands at the door and is knocking. He is hungry and needs safety. Do we open the door or say “we’ve done more than our fair share Lord”?

Grace stands at our doors. What will we do? What will I do?

Recently I have been thinking a lot about how much we are defined by our production or doing. We have numbers all around us telling us whether we are doing a good job of accomplishing our own or other people’s goals for us. I have to admit I like many of these numbers. I enjoy recording on goodreads that I have finished another book and seeing my number of books for the year go up. I like that the Bible app I often use for reading my Bible records how many days I have read scripture in a row. I have a goal for the number of steps I walk/run each day, I have a goal for how much money I save throughout the year, I record what I do for work, etc., etc., etc.

These aren’t bad things – in fact, sometimes they help motivate me to be who I believe I have been called to be.

But being who I have been called to be is the key.

We aren’t what we produce. I am not the numbers that I can record. Instead the numbers I record should help me to live out who I am. The opposite is so often the way we are viewed and, even worse, how we view ourselves. We accept the lie that we are what we produce and that our value comes from the value of what we accomplish/produce. Thus our companies, decades ago, moved from departments of personnel, concerned with the people who the company employed, to departments of human resources, concerned with making sure that the humans who are resources to the company are most effectively used just as the materials department is concerned that the company’s material resources are best used for the company’s goal. You are not just a resource to be used.

I think determining our value by our production is also why we usually first ask a person what they do for work when we are introducing ourselves. “What is your production value?” “Well I am retired now, BUT I used to produce this and it was of high value.” Or we ask our spouse and kids at the end of day “so what did you do today”, as if what was done is the most important part of a day. You and I are not just the value of what we do.

Our value comes from the One who loves us and created us, not for the numbers we produce. Still our choices do help us to live out who He proclaims us to be. I am a father, my choices help me to live out being a good or a bad father. I am a son, my choices help me to live out being a son. I am a friend, my choices determine what type of friend I am. I am a child of God, my choices shape what type of child I am.

I like something that the Danish Philosopher and believer Søren Kierkegaard wrote on the subject. He wrote,

“Now, with God’s help, I shall become myself.”

Søren Kierkegaard, Papers and Journals, Page 295

I like the quote because it acknowledges that we can’t make free choices without God’s help (scripture says we are slaves to sin) but that the goal of His help is to enable us to make choices that are consistent with who we are and who we are becoming. We aren’t just our production, but what we produce should be consistent with who we are (or as I understand it, who we have been proclaimed to be by a gracious and loving God). The numbers in our lives aren’t bad, but they can become so when we think those numbers are who we are. You are so much more than those numbers. You are claimed by God. I am the brother to the Lord.

I believe one of the saddest things of this whole situation is that using our production to determine our value actually robs us of the joy and pride that we should be able feel when we accomplish something. Instead of feeling a sense of accomplishment, we immediately feel the need to do more. Rather than being able to recognize that we just accomplished some good work, we see the faults that are present and believe we must still improve on our work. When your production determines your value then your production has to be of ultimate value … and that is something that nothing we can produce can ever give us. Ultimate value being placed on things that were never meant to provide ultimate value destroys not only our joy, but also the portion of joy that those things used to be able to provide us.

One of the parenting things that Pam and I did when the boys where significantly younger was to teach them that advertisements would often promise things or make claims that the product could never deliver on because the promise was for a need that the product wasn’t design to meet. For example, if you buy this truck you will suddenly be the type of person who does work requiring a truck. If you buy North Face gear then you will become someone who spends lots of time outdoors. If you buy this product the your family will begin to love spending time together. So much advertising uses values that are way beyond the product, to try and sell the product to us. This product will bring you community, hope, meaning, etc., etc.

Nope, it won’t

So we taught the boys to shout out at the TV “That’s a lie!” when they saw a commercial that was obviously saying it could deliver something that was beyond’s its scope. I hope it helped them learn that many things make promises that they could never fulfill. I know their tiny voices screaming at the television helped me learn that lesson.

This Adam Sandler SNL skit is along a similar vein.

So maybe when we begin to feel the need to define ourselves based off what we produce we need to remind ourselves that our production can’t determine our value. Therefore, our work is not who we are, our hobbies don’t have to be productive, we don’t have to be using every second effectively, we did a good job (not a perfect job) and that is okay. You and I are so much more than what we produce and do. So be comfortable with just being, rather than always doing.

As the old cliché goes, “You are a human BEING, not a human DOING.” It is clichéd, but it is also true.