Category: personal

Posted on

The Why Behind the Why

I’m going to start this post with a tweet from Rachael Denhollander (who is amazing and heroic – and having just ordered her book I can’t wait to read it, though I am certain that once Pam sees this post I will have to fight her to read it first, and on a side note her husband Jacob Denhollander is pretty amazing too – I respect any person who is obviously a big fan of their spouse – how’s this for a Pauline run on sentence. 🙂 ). Here’s the tweet:

Since I am often challenged and encouraged by what Rachael writes and recommends, and Brad Hambrick’s post is about the book “The Body Keeps the Score” (third reference I have heard/read to this book in 3 weeks – hold on a second, let me order that one too – Pamela we now have books to swap while each other read the other one – but I will insist that the dust covers be removed while we are reading them – this is a debate in the Terrell household) I went over to read Brad’s post. Very insightful and helpful review of the book. I guess I’ll have to follow him now too, only problem seems to be that he is a professor at SEBTS. Sorry this is my NOBTS and SWBTS pride coming out here (from back in the day when SWBTS was good, caring, and open to conversation i.e. the Russel Dilday era, not the era of the jerk and abuse enabler that was recently shaping the direction of SWBTS – I may be a little bitter here). Anyhow aside from teaching at the wrong institution his post is wonderful. You should go read it HERE. I’ll just share this one paragraph.

When we listen well, acknowledging the limits of our understanding, and patiently allow the person to convey their experience we counter the fear that we cannot be trusted or can’t understand (to borrow Dr. Van Der Kolk’s phrases). In her book We Too: How the Church Can Respond Redemptively to the Sexual Abuse Crisis, Mary DeMuth talks about her experience of disclosing abuse, “I healed because people in the church dared to listen to my story and pray for me (p. 133).” If you read Mary’s book, you will find the beneficial listening was not quick listening that prematurely assumed understanding and applied the Bible to a base-level emotions, but empathetic listening that was as patient as the book of Job is long.

I bring up Rachael’s tweet about Brad’s post about Bessel’s book because it fits in with a phrase that I was reminded of again and again during the chaplain training that I finished going through Tuesday. Corporate Chaplains of America requires its chaplains to go through training twice a year. It is a good way of refocusing us on the basics of being a chaplain. Being a good chaplain is all about going back to the basics again and again. The statement that kept coming up during the training was “What’s the why behind the “why?” In other words, someone just came up and asked me a question and it is very easy for me to jump into trying to answer that question or fix that problem, instead of stopping and actually exploring why that question was asked in the first place. This is often phrased as “what’s the question behind the question”, but I really like the “why behind the why”.

Why is this person really asking this question? If I go down that route of dealing with the initial question am I actually missing the point? Are they asking me this to see if I will just assume that I understand what they are going through and thereby stop listening to them? Is this question really a test to see if i am safe? Trustworthy? Caring? Why is this question really being asked?

The covenant name of God is Yahweh, I am that I am. The influential American theologian Paul Tillich described the essence of God’s covenant name as “being” specifically the “being there”. God is the One who is truly there in the moment, He is the eternal present, He is “God with Us”, bringing the future and the past into the present rather than having the present derailed by the future or the past. When we walk in His way we are there too. As nuts as I often think much of Tillich’s thought is I really like his focus on being and being there. Here’s one quote from him:

“Whenever a human being says, ‘Now I am living; now I am really present,’ resisting the stream which drives the future into the past, eternity is. In each such Now eternity is made manifest; in every real now, eternity is present.”

Paul Tillich, “The Mystery of Time,” in The Shaking of the Foundations

Jumping to answering the initial question is the domination of the future or the past. “Let me fix that” takes me out of the present moment and specifically takes me out of being there with the person who is asking the question. “What is really going on here at this moment? What is the person in front of me, who bears the imago dei, really dealing with and how can I be here with them?” Emmanuel is with us to the point that He understands the “why behind the why” and thus responds to my fear and worries because He actually hears them rather than just the questions and statements that I initially make. I need to remember to do the same. To be present with those with whom I interact enough to hear the real need and be present in the real pain, rather than just trying to answer the first question. To be with them in the midst of a question that seemed to point to something else, until I was really there to hear the real reason the question was being asked.

Thanks Rachael, Brad, Bessel, and CCA for reminding me of this (and so many other things).

Posted on

Commercial Air Transportation is Better with Cool People to Talk With

Saturday I posted the following image to my Instagram account and commented concerning my hatred of the process of flying.

I meant it at the time and I still mean it, but I left one part out. I love hanging out with people I love and therefore sometimes the airport becomes a wonderful place when it enables me to hang out with those I love.

Two examples, the first is our family trip to France last year. As much as I gripe and complain about the process of flying (and again I meant what I posted above) I really enjoy being with my family while we rush through airports to get from one gate to another and then waiting for the flight. Last year standing in a crowded area around a gate while we waited for an hour for our plane to load and eating a ham & cheese sandwich with Pam and the boys was one of my favorite memories from the entire trip, and that is saying something because it was a magnificent trip. There was just something about being in it together, laughing through it all, and discovering that French airport concession ham & cheese sandwiches are still pretty awesome that was great. Can’t you just sense the excitement in this photo? 🙂

Also our extremely brief visit to Iceland (i.e. running through the airport was also a blast. Here is the only picture I have of us in Iceland. Can’t you sense our adventurous spirits from this photo? Iceland was wonderful. I hope to wait there in the airport with my family again some day. 🙂

My second example is the people that I get to chaplain with in Corporate Chaplains of America. I am taking a bit of a break at the moment because I am about “peopled out” but I will soon finish this post and start talking with and listen to my coworkers and friends again. As a matter of fact, one of my coworkers just sat beside me and I stopped writing this post for awhile because we both realized we had not talked with each other much during our training this break and we wanted to find out how each other is doing. Being stuck in an airport with them, even one that only has seven gates (hello Ashville Regional Airport) is an enjoyable experience. There is almost always an interesting story to while away the time (seriously one of my coworkers was a chaplain for the Cleveland Cavaliers when Lebron played for them the second time). The process of flying may be a good example of eternal judgment but the waiting within the process can be very enjoyable when the right people are a part of it.

These are some of the people that I am presently waiting with (this was before we were stuck in the “massive” Ashville Regional Airport with all its luxury). They are a good group to spend a couple of hours with while you participate within the dehumanizing process known as commercial air transportation.

I am so thankful for the family and friends I have that make terrible experiences often pleasurable.

Posted on

A Southern Baptist Porch & Sukkot

I am presently in North Carolina at the Ridgecrest Conference Center for continuing education as a chaplain. The company that I chaplain through, Corporate Chaplains of America, does this twice a year and I am appreciative of this training – though more so when it doesn’t take me away from home and church on weekends. The photo attached to this post was taken when I started thinking about what I wanted to write concerning. You see at the moment I took that photo a multitude of thoughts were going through my head. Here is what was happening:

  • I was reading a book of sermons from my favorite German theologian while waiting for lunch and trying to bring a little peace back to my mind. Jürgen Moltmann once fought against most of the rest of the world as a German Air Force auxiliary until he was captured became a believer in Jesus as Lord in a Scottish prisoner of war camp.
  • The reason I didn’t have much peace at the moment was because I was (and am) hurting for two friends that Pam and I love. I had just spent the previous hour trying to write out a prayer to send to them to hopefully express a little of my love for them in the midst of their pain and grief and be a part of the comfort that they know is found in Christ and His church. I wanted the words to be right even though I am pretty sure that none of the words will mean anything. So I struggled with the words, all the while remembering that the loved ones who reach out to them and are around them will say what my written words could not, and knowing that so many of the people who were sending my friends words of love were doing so in Russian because of their years of service in Belarus and Russia.
  • I was intermittently unable to avoid a few different conversations by the groups that joyously walked by me on their way to lunch. Three of those conversations happened in languages that I do not understand and that came from three difference continents. It was pretty easy to tell that they were conversations of groups who loved each other.
  • All of this took place on a porch that was built a long time ago by Southern Baptists who were almost assuredly detected by old, white men who had been raised in the South.

To quote Randy Stonehill “it’s a great, big, stupid world” and there is a ton of pain within it. Still there are moments when I experience brief moments of people from all over the world, with very little experience in common, being brought together by nothing other than a belief that Jesus is Lord that I know God peace can overcome anything.

My Jewish friends will have begun celebrating Sukkot today, a festival that commemorates the harvest and the Exodus. I’m not Jewish and I don’t want to claim any of their heritage for my own benefit. I do, however, know a little bit about Ancient Near Eastern Jewish culture because it was my Lord’s culture. Sukkot celebrate to remember the God Who redeems His people out of the pain and exile of the fallen world. He redeemed His people because He is the God who “devises ways so that a banished person does not remain banished.” I know that my Redeemer lives and He has and will set us free. I was reminded of this today while sitting on a conference center porch in North Carolina.

Posted on

Learning Anime’s Visual Language

As I mentioned in my Wednesday post concerning how grateful I am for Adam & Noah’s influence on me I have begun working my way through the Naruto anime series (this is Noah’s influence).

I haven’t been a huge anime fan in the past though I have watched a few series (for example Noah and I both have enjoyed the Attack on Titan series), I have recently, however, really enjoyed Naruto. One of the things that I have must enjoyed is the different visual language employed in anime.

The spaghetti western stare.

All media employ various visual languages that quickly convey lots of meaning within the context of the media. Certain images and themes help the view to perceive deeper meaning within the genre of media in which they are used. If you are watching a sports movie there is probably going to be a workout montage and you understand that this represents vigorous effort during a passage of time. If you are watching a RomCom you know the subjects are going to breakup and there is going to be some cute action that brings them back together again, you know that this new event will renew and transform their past experience with each other. If you watch a spaghetti western you know there are going to be several long stares before the inevitable gunfight and you understand that this is both opponents struggling with how to respond to the moment. If you are a fan of any of these genres you know what these images and actions are meant to convey, and that understanding improves your experience with the media. Anime comes from an Eastern cultural backdrop and therefore some of visual language is very different than what I am used to experiencing. It took me a little while to get used to and understand why this elements occurred but now I get them a little more.

Here’s an article discussing some of the more common elements of the anime visual language. Some of the ones that stand out to me in Naruto are:

Not Naruto but this is an example of a vein pop.
  • Characters sneezing when someone talks about them in another scene – think of our “were your ears burning”.
  • Veins popping on or near character’s foreheads when they are frustrated or really exerting themselves.
  • Abnormally large sweat or tear drops on or near a character’s head to various emotional elements.
  • Bloody noses to convey excitement (usually sexual excitement – nothing highly inappropriate more like “Hey there is a person I am attracted too” and then a bloody nose appears on the character).
Jiriaya (aka pervy sage) has lots of nose bleeds

Without this understanding certain elements of media can seem very strange, not very enjoyable, and possible absurd. “Why do those big random tear drops keep appearing around the characters?” “Why do those random red hashtag looking things keep on appearing on character’s foreheads?” It can seem strange and meaningless, until you begin to understand them as the emotional shorthand they are meant to be. Then they become quick cues to the inner life of the cartoon character. It has taken me awhile but I cam finally beginning to get them and appreciate them.

Really nothing new here because all our interactions have context within which we understand them. For example, I am presently reading Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s book “Christ the Center” and last night I was struck by this passage (hold with me on this, I know it may be hard):

This is the ultimate deceit and the ultimate power of this Logos. This is what Hegel did in his philosophy. This reaction of the Logos under the attack of the Anti-Logos is no narrow-minded repudiation of the other Logos, as in the Enlightenment, but the great insight into its power of self-negation. Self-negation, however, means self-affirmation. By limiting itself, the Logos reinstates itself in power. Nevertheless, the Logos recognizes the claim of the Anti-Logos. Thus the attempt to attack its ultimate presupposition seems seems to have failed. The Logos has assimilated the Anti-Logos into itself.

But what if the Anti-Logos raises his claim in a completely new form? If he is no longer an idea, but a Word, which challenges the supremacy of the Logos? If he appears at some time and in some place in history as a person? If he declares himself to be a judgement on the human Logos and points to himself: I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life; I am the death of the human Logos; man with his Logos must dies, he falls into my hands; I am the first and the last?

Deitrich Bonhoeffer, Christ the Center, pp. 29-30

When the reader has an understanding of Logos in Greek philosophy and Hegelian dialectic the above two paragraphs are profound (To the point that I got really excited while reading them last night and had a hard time falling asleep while thinking about this section of the book). Without such an understanding those two paragraphs make no sense whatsoever. But within the context Logos appears as a cue to a much longer discussion concerning the center of life and works as shorthand to enable that discussion to fit within these two paragraphs.

Anime’s visual language is doing the same thing for the emotions of its characters and right now I find the different visual cues of anime very interesting.

Posted on

Self Driving Vehicles are Cool … And They Make me Sad

The new Tesla update with the Smart Summon feature is super cool but it also makes me sad. We are getting closer and closer to truly autonomous driving cars and I believe the roads will be much safer as a result. This videos of people summoning their cars to them are very cool.

Of course, this change will also mean the nature of auto insurance will change. This guy’s tweet using the Summin feature when a fender bender happens hits the nail on the head.

Whose fault is it when an autonomous car has an accident. The auto insurance market is going to change dramatically. I think there is a really good chance that actually driving your own car will be the privilege of the wealthy alone, because no one else will be able afford insurance.

Insurance is a shared pool of risk. It is cheap when the pool of people sharing the risk is large and the risk itself isn’t so great. Fewer people driving their own vehicles will shrink the size of the pool, thus increasing the price, and the risk of a person driven car will be much greater than the risk of a driverless vehicle, thus again increasing the cost. It is a perfect storm to raise auto insurance to astronomical prices or make it where all you can do is “self insure” (i.e. have the funds to pay a $100,000 claim).

I’m excited about self driving vehicles for safety reasons but I’m sadden to think that one day not to far away neither I nor my kids will be able afford to drive the Mustang.

Posted on

Nice Person Who Isn’t Nice Online

PROLOGUE: Every now and then I want to respond to something but don’t necessarily want anyone I care about to know that I may or may not be responding to them. In such cases I postdate the post so it shows up later. This could be a day or two, or a year after I actually wrote the post. This might be one of those posts. 🙂 If it is one of those posts then it means that if you are one of my friends and you posted a jerky thing on social media this post isn’t about your post today … though it could be about a post you made at another time. 🙂

There are some people that I know and love IRL (In Real Life) that are kind of jerks online. It is really odd. These are people that can say the most positive and caring things when you talk to them in person. They are a pleasure to be around. Yet, for some reason, they are entirely different when they respond on social media. If they are talking with you face to face and can see and read your emotions they great company. They would never say something to tick off, for their own enjoyment, a random stranger they meet in public. They are great company in real life but there is something about the impersonal nature of the internet that brings the jerk out of them. Maybe it does for me too (though I hope not).

John Wooden probably didn’t say this statement – but he said other wonderful thing

I’ve heard John Wooden often cited for saying:

Sports don’t build character; they reveal it.

Though it appears that Wooden is probably not the person who should be credited with originally saying this phrase (HERE’s quoteinvestigator‘s article on the quote) I believe there is a great deal of truth in it. Similarly Henry Ford actually said something similar regarding money.

Henry Ford did make this statement – and worse things.

Money doesn’t change men, it merely unmasks them. If a man is naturally selfish or arrogant or greedy, the money brings that out, that’s all.

It doesn’t take much research to discover that for Henry Ford his money unmasked him as strongly anti-semitic.

I believe the point of the sports quote and Henry Ford’s money quote is that they thought who you really are lies within you and the freedom of sports or money just gives people the freedom to reveal that real nature (i.e. unmasking your character). I’ve heard the same thing attributed to the freedom brought about by the impersonal nature of the internet. You are free to say and do what you want on the internet without experiencing in person the emotional and personal repercussions.

Therefore, some would say that if you are a jerk on the internet it is probably because that is who you really are in real life. The little bit of Calvinism I have in me (I’m a 2 1/2 to 3 pointer depending upon the day – look up the Calvinist TULIP to understand this) and the large influence that Christian thinker Søren Kierkegaard‘s Existentialist thought has had upon me leads me to disagree with this sentiment. I believe instead that it is our choice that reveals who we really are.

The mild-Calvinism I have makes me fairly certain that we all have stuff hidden within us that we find disgusting, disturbing, and in need of redemption. Mike Yaconelli, one of my personal heroes, used to say when he was speaking (usually at the National Youth Workers Convention) that if we knew what really was going on in his heart we wouldn’t be listening to him, but that was ok because if he knew what was really going on in our hearts he wouldn’t be speaking to us. You see I believe we all stand in need of redemption. We all have an “inner-jerk” but that doesn’t mean we have to let him/her out.

Kierkegaard’s Christian Existentialist thought leads me to believe that our choices are hugely important in determining who we are. Jesus proclaims His disciples to be justified and then we have the choice to live into that or not. What we choice to do reflects who we believe we are and who we want to be.

I have a friend, who I love in real life, who realized that he was a bit of a jerk on certain social media and decided that was not who he wanted to be. He addressed it by removing himself from that social media. He decided that he wasn’t the type of person whose enjoyment came from hurting others and he chose to remove himself form the media that he was having trouble with. I believe that choice reflects who he really is, rather than the fact that he has significant trouble interacting on this social media without being a jerk.

We all have statements and feelings inside us that if we publicly express them will often hurt others. Sometimes expressing those thoughts display who we really are, and sometimes not express those thought display who we really are. Our choice is is important. It is how we become who we are (which I believe is determined by Christ).

Posted on

The Problem with Having Kids That You Would Like Even if They Weren’t Your Kids is …

The problem with having kids that you would like even if they weren’t your kids is that they invariably are involved in fascinating things that seem very interesting when they tell you about them and then you find yourself adding things to your “I want to read that”, “I want to listen to that”, “I want to do that”, and “I want to watch that” lists . I feel like at least once a week my lists get bigger because of a conversation with Noah or Adam. Here are two examples:

EXAMPLE #1 – NOAH

Thanks to Noah I am now trying to make it through the Naruto series. The problem with this is that there are around 700 episodes of Naruto. I’m not exaggerating here. There are seriously 700ish episodes. I find the story very interesting so I end up fitting a couple of episodes in to my schedule every day. Thankfully they are short. Still I would have never considered watching this if Noah hadn’t said “Dad, I think you would like this” and then watching a few episodes with him before thinking I should watch from the beginning. Hopefully in the year 2030 I will have finished the series.

Why, you might ask, am I so fascinated with this cartoon (okay technically it is anime)? It is because one of the overriding themes of the series is how the characters’ actions, and often mistakes, are directed by their unrecognized internal struggles. This is something I deal with all the time as a pastor and chaplain. Naruto strives to be respected because of the disdain that he felt in the past and this striving controls him. He usually isn’t director of his own actions, but merely responding to unexpressed emotions. He isn’t alone in this, most of the characters in the series are similar. They are portrayed as incredibly strong and yet they are very often the mere puppets of their own unaddressed emotional needs.

EXAMPLE #2 – ADAM

Adam posted the following video in our ongoing family chat.

It is a fascinating TED talk concerning using the natural tendency of art to direct our attention to cause us to focus on other elements and viewpoints. Susan Sontag in her book “On Photography” writes about this same phenomenon within photography (ht Brad W). A painting, or photo, shape how we see a subject and therefore very often shapes how we view history. Titus Kaphar, the artist in the video above, discusses using art to change our focus on a subject. So now, thanks to Adam, I’m trying to learn more about this. I finished reading Angie Thomas’s book “On the Come Up” last night, preached in a majority people of color congregations Saturday, and then watched the above video this morning and all have me thinking.

Thanks guys. You both keep me busy. When you add in all the things I end up reading and observing because of Pam and Clive (I read more than I care to admit about Basset Hounds and I am fairly sure that the only reason I have Instagram is to look at Basset Hound photos) it is a surprise that I ever get anything done.

SIDE NOTE – for a very interesting discussion concerning “the complicated and nuanced history” of plantations in America and the continued influence that history has you should consider to Backstory’s episode “The Long Shadow of the Plantation.” As a result of this podcast episode Pam and I may head to Wallace, Louisiana to explore Whitney Plantation (and then, of course, go to Baton Rouge to visit with friends we love).

Posted on

One Thing

I feel like I frequently quote Soren Kierkegaard concerning purity of heart, but looking back through my blog posts I don’t seem to write about it as much as I think I quote it during my real life. Kierkegaard’s famous statement/work concerning purity of heart is:

Purity of heart is to will one thing

The opposite of this is what scripture refers to as being “double-minded”. James 4:8 records:

Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

“Double-mindedness” pulls us in opposite and many directions. Willing one thing pulls us in the direction of the one thing. It directs everything else.

One of the summaries of Kierkegaard’s work that I really like is actually found in the movie “City Slickers“.

When you will one thing it is actually your “bae” (before all else). People may often say that something is their one thing but our choices may not always reflect this. If some thing actually is your “one thing” then every choice, every action, every movement has to directed by that one thing. Everything falls in line underneath your one thing. I believe life works best when we know our one thing and I believe we were created for Jesus to be that one thing for our lives with every thing else falls in line under being His disciple.

Posted on

Once Again She is Impressive

So today Pamela was quoted in a Wall Street Journal article in regard to the current spelling change of the word Whoa to Woah. In the article Pam comments:

“I am a fan of changes in language, but this doesn’t make sense with any patterns in English that I can think of,” says Pamela Terrell, who teaches speech-language pathology and researches language impairments in children at the University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point. “I would have no way to explain that to someone.”

You can read the article HERE. Just another reminder that Pamela is dang impressive and I married above my pay grade.

Here’s her tweet that is referenced in the article: