today is thanksgiving and therefore i thought i would list at least one thing that i am thankful for (there are many). i am thankful that thanksgiving only comes around once a year. it’s not that i don’t enjoy being thankful�i do. it’s not that i don’t enjoy being with family�i do. it’s the turkey that bothers me.
smoked turley sandwiches probably rank second or third in the top ten things i like to eat (chili dogs are definaely number 1). thanksgiving is the perfect time for smoked turkey sandwiches. you have all this left over turkey from the dinner that is just going to go to waste. the smoked turkey sandiwch is just the way to take care of this left over bird. in fact, as far as i am concerned you can just skip the dinner and just go straight to the smoked turkey sandwiches and everyone sitting around watching football games, telling stories, being lazy and growing greasier together. ahhh. that�s something to be thankful for.
the problem is that most people will only eat one or two smoked turkey sandwiches. that not really initially a problem. it simply means that there is more turkey for me and thus more sandwiches for yours truly. the problem is that i start to give into glutony at this point. gluttony is not a sin that we talk about much today. even though it’s not talk about it is still not a “nice” sin (not that any sins are “nice”), it hurts awhole lot of people. gluttony takes away from others who are needy because i am to busy consuming just for the sake of consuming. gluttony diverts resources from important things because i�m too busy consuming the november bird. just to make sure that i realize how harmful gluttony is GOD has arranged for it to hurt me too. i don�t mean by gaining weight or boosting my cholestoral. no i mean something more immediate. you see when i glutonize on the smoked turkey it hurts my stomach because it expands past all resonable limits.
this wouldn’t be that bad because my digestive track would go down after an hour or two of work but the smoked turkey continues to call out to me. everytime my stomach begins to go back to it’s natural form another delicious morsel of bread, mayonaise, and smoked turkey somehow falls into my hand and must be eatten. thus the pain continues throughout the entire weekend until the meat is finally picked clean from the carcass and sent off to the great smoked turkey kingdom above the cloouds. then my stomach has at least until CHRISTmas before it is tempted to expand beyond it’s natural size by the bird that benjamin franklin wanted to be our national fowl.
by now you’re probably screaming at your monitor “just say no, robert!” of course, that�s easy to say when you’re not faced with a family who refuses to eat the turkey after it’s initial carving. if not for me who will eat the smoked turkey? what about all those starving children in china? my mom always told me that i had to eat my food for them, because they didn’t have any (of course, that statement didn’t make sense to me when i was twelve and still doesn’t make sense to me now, but any port in a storm of justification). if no one else eats the smoked turkey what will happen to hong kong? so i have to eat this fourth turkey sandwich. i have to eat it for tinamen’s square and the freedom fighters who risked their lives there. cosmicly somehow their lives and food supply rests on me cleaning my plate. if i fail it all falls and i can’t have that on my conscience. i’m not eatting for myself, i’m eatting for freedom for the repressed chinese.
i’m so glad this only happens once a year.