i am now officially old. this is true because today i bought a “micro-trimmer“. the micro-trimmer is one of those devices used for shaving hair in hard to reach places. i had to buy one of these “miracle” devices to groom the forest of hair that now grows within my nostrils. the hair within my nose has simply grown to dense to stay within the confines of my nose. therefore, it now tries to grow outside the confines of my noise and is viciously poking out into the open air. i guess that is good in some way. it probably indicates that my nose is well fertilized or something similar. i guess i should be proud of my growth of nostril hair. the problem is that these hairs often grow so long that it sometimes appears as if i have brown tusks coming out of my face. i don’t want to be known as the elephant youth pastor.
when it was only a single tusk or two i would pluck these overgrown hairs out. this was by no means an enjoyable experience. who could imagine that such a relatively small hair (small for scalp hair but monstrous for nose hair) could produce such an amazing amount of pain upon it’s removal. removing one of these beasts was like trying to pull out your tongue with a pair of tweezers. i could restand this pain when it was only a couple and merely took a few minutes. if i tried to pluck out all the extended nose hairs now it would take a full day and i would need psychotherapy afterwards to deal with the post-traumatic shock of all the pain it produced.
that is why i finally decided to give in and purchase a nose hair trimmer. i bought it this afternoon and immediately used it with fear and trepidation. i was frightened stiff. after all, what if the “micro-trimmer” wasn’t up to the task of harvesting and thinning out my forest of nostril hair? what if the micro-trimmer became tangled within the growth within my nose? i knew that was not going to be a pretty sight. yet i kept seeing pictures in my mind of the tusks growing from my nostrils. i knew that if i didn’t do something about it one day i would be running away from people screaming “i am not an animal … i am a human being.” i just couldn’t go there. so i started that sucker up and plunged it into my right nostril.
i’m proud to report that all went well (except for a tremendous amount of nose tickling) and the terrell nose hair forest has been thinned out.