Month: August 2004

i get the privilege of doing hospital visits every tuesday. i know some ministers don’t like visiting the hospital every week but i truly love it. the coolest things always seem to happen when you go to the hospital. you walk in at the right moment just when someone really needs another person there, or you get to remind people who feel all alone that they have a bunch of others who care for them, or you get to see how GOD brings HIS comfort and peace to a room full of chaos, or you simply get to eat the lunch that nobody else wants. sometimes they’re simple but profound joys. usually they’re just plain profound.

today i went to visit a church member who has recently had a stroke. he is recovering quite well but seems to have one problem that may be with him for awhile. we all have going on in our heads what some people refer to as an “internal dialog.” you talk to yourself in your head saying things that you actually do think but would never want to say to the people you are talking with. we hide these things because the people we are talking with are more important than actually saying these things. these are just fleeting thoughts and they don’t deserve the light of day. well this church member has at least temporarily lost his internal dialog and everything he wouldn’t normally say comes out instead staying inside.

so while i’m there asking how he is doing and telling him how things are going at church and with the people we both know and love he is busy blurting out what ever he is thinking. everything he says has to do with our conversation, they’re just not statements that you would normally expect to hear. he asked me about seafood and we talked about it for a little while. during the seafood conversation he blurted out that he has never liked his wife’s fish, in fact he thinks it smells funny. of course, she was right there beside me and heard it all. he then started asking me how things with the youth were going. when i started to tell him about what was happening with the youth he decided to ask me how old i was. i told him i was thirty-six. he responded by saying “you’re really old for a youth minister aren’t you?” when i responded with “yep” he then added “you better get out because you’re really old.”

personally i thought it was hilarious. he would tell me time and time again “i’m not trying to be mean or anything. some people say i’m rash but i just call ’em like i see ’em.”

of course, his wife was embarrassed at first. she’s used to this but she doesn’t liek for new people to go through it. i reassured her that pam, my wife, works with head injuries all the time and therefore i understand that this was something he couldn’t help. it was very cool to see her trying to protect him. she loves him in spite of the fact that he doesn’t like the way she cooks fish. she loves him for who he used to be and loves him for who he is now. other people may be put off by his crass remarks but she knows who he really is. she can tell when it is him talking and when it is merely the stroke saying things.

tomorrow i’m going to be speaking in the pbs middle school chapel and as part of it i’m going to be asking the students what the most dangerous thing was that they did this summer. since, i’m asking them this question i might as well tell y’all what mine would be.

this summer i rode a wild cow.

i went to nicaragua two weeks ago and as i’m sure all of you will know nicaragua is a country of random cows. every where you look there are cows. you go to the market and you’ll find cows there. driving down the road and there’ll be cows in the road. they’re just about everywhere. technically these cows aren’t wild. they have owners, brands on their hides, and apparently a place to stay when it rains or there is a hurricane or something. now that’s technically the truth – the problem is that practically speaking they are wild. they wander all over the place and their owners very rarely see them. i’m not really sure why people even own these cows in the first place. the cows hate humans and thus milking one would be a death-defying act. i guess every now and then the nicaraguan owners sneak up behind the cows, knocks it dead, and butcher it for lunch. that’s the only use i can think of for these wild, human hating bovine.

well, for some reason during my week in nicaragua i decided that it would be fun to ride one of these large soon to be leather purses. i really didn’t want to actually ride any of the cows, i just figured i would pretend like i wanted to ride the cow, it would run away, and then i could say “well i would have ridden it if we could have caught it.” that way i’m the hero and i never actually risk anything. that was my plan and i was sticking to it. the first day i had the idea i saw some cows and ran after them. the cows put up with the chase for a little while. eventually, one of them reach the point of annoyance and decided to do something about me rather than just running away from my wild but ultimately doomed to failure attempts to capture it. while, i chased this cow it tried to kick me in the head. it was a subtle message but one i understood quickly. the cow was saying “i will smash your head in so leave me alone.” i agreed with the message and stopped chasing it.

of course, the next day things changed. i was resolved even more than before that i would pretend to want to ride the cows. i heard there were cows in front of the compound entrance i ran after them immediately. of course, i had no intention of actually riding any of the cows or even getting close enough to be kicked. yet i was still going to pretend. i chased the cows and they ran away from me. that was the end of that. at least until, my nicaraguan friends got into the fun and decided to rope the cow for me. this was not part of my plan and i tried desperately to convince them that this was not a good idea. of course, the ones i was trying to convince not to rope the cow weren’t the ones that had the ropes, so by the time i turned around moses and jc had already roped the cow and were trying to get it’s head around a tree.

i was now at the point of no return. i had to ride the cow. i couldn’t pretend any more even though i really wanted to continue my charade. it was much more fun to just say “i want to ride one of those cows.” i really knew i was in trouble when i realized the nicaraguans were scared. they are around these cows all the time. they should be comfortable with them. yet they weren’t. they were frightened and they weren’t getting anywhere near it. they may have been scared of the cow but they still really wanted to see me get on it. me and my big mouth. i was stuck. i had to ride the stupid, violent, huffed, chewer of the cud. so i went around and finally got up the nerve to jump on the cow. i landed on it with my stomach, hoping to climb on it. of course, the cow didn’t like this and simply shook me off. victory! i figured i had done what i wanted, at least sort of, and the front of my shirt was now filthy so i had proof that i had been on the cow. i had succeeded.

yet, it wasn’t enough for moses and jc. they wanted me to actually sit on the stupid bovine. they kept on calling for me to come around on the other side where there was a root that would help me to jump up on the beast. i couldn’t believe they weren’t satisfied. after all, they were still screaming like girls. they hadn’t jumped on the cow. no! they wanted me to put my fanny on the cow. they wanted me to actually sit on this very ticked off animal.

so of course, being a wimp i agreed. my ride really wasn’t very long. i definitely wouldn’t had won a bull riding competition. i’m not even sure that i lasted on the thing more than two seconds. still, i am able to say that my butt sat on that cow and i rode the beast for a moment. then i fell off and we all made a hasty retreat from one very mad and confused cow.