it takes a licking

my left wrist hate watches.

i like watches. i enjoy having one around for purposes of knowing what time it is and timing things. it’s a good thing to be able to time how long it takes a waiter to bring our food or to be able to bother people who are stuck up about time, because i make sure my watch is set to the time on the atomic clock.

yet my wrist hates watches.

i know this because ever since i first started wearing a watch (which is another story about a fascinating, humid august day when i was 16 but this isn’t the place for that story) my wrist has been slowly destroying them. i’m convinced that my wrist is able to release some watch dissolving acid that was developed through the genetic combinations of my dad drinking cheap beer, my mother reading too many cooking books, and my inherent dna-linked love for pork rinds. of course, modern science doesn’t have a test for “watching dissolving acids” yet so i will have to wait to prove this theory.

all i know for sure is that up until recently i have never been able to keep a watch working for more than six months. it doesn’t seem to matter of what quality the watch is. my wrist is an equal opportunity watch destroyer. it has killed watches ranging from seiko’s to dime store digitals. it doesn’t matter if the watch is gold or plastic my wrist hates it and will destroy it. the expensive, cheap, pretty, ugly, sturdy, and fragile all end up as trophies of destruction to my left wrist’s hatred of time devices.

this was all true until i acquired my present watch. it’s a timex expedition and it has lasted for one and a half years. this is remarkable. i was so please because tuesday i actually had to go and get another battery placed in the watch. that’s never happened before. my wrist always kills the watch before it ever makes it to needing a battery replacement. i don’t know what is so special about this timex because my wrist has demolished many other timex’s before this one. all i do know is that i am very thankful to have found a superhero watch that can stand up to the watch destroying acid that my wrist releases and put my wrist in it’s place. long live the timex expedition watch!