mailboxes are not supposed to be scary. that’s pretty much a rule. if you look up the operating code of the us postal service i would bet money that one of the rules you will find within the volumes of bureaucratic red tape is one saying “mailboxes are not supposed to be scary.” i’m sure of it.
of course, no one told my mailbox this rule.
last night while i was shoveling out a place in the snow for my trash can to sit in (yes friends in baton rouge that’s what you have to do when you have a 3 foot berm of snow where your garbage can is supposed to sit) i noticed that there was about 10″ of snow on top of our mailbox. since i had a snow shovel in my hand and i like to be kind to postal workers i decided that i would remove the snow from the top of the mail box. that way when the postman (or woman) went to put letters into the terrell family box he (or she) would be pleased to not have any shaken snow fall unto his (or her) hand. i personally think it’s always a smart idea to be nice to your postal worker. that way when they end up “going postal” they will have pleasant thoughts of you and at the very least give you a running start.
anyway, i tried to move it with my gloved hand but it turns out that the snow had melted a little and had snowed from 10″ of snow to 10″ of ice block. so i decided to use the shovel to push the ice/snow off the mailbox. that’s when the shovel hit the latch and accidentally opened the the door of the mailbox.
i really had no idea that huge vampire bats like to hang out in mailboxes. did you?
when the door of the mail box opened up a HUGE vampire bat came flying out right at my face. i know it was huge because i wouldn’t have been scared of a small bat … and i was scared. i was also able to discern that it was a vampire bat because it went for my neck, obviously to attack me and get a free meal. thanks to my “matrix“-like moves i was able to dodge the bat’s attack. since i still had the snow shovel in my hand i quickly went into my own attack mood. this bat was going to pay. vengeance is mine saith the robert!
apparently the bat sensed my mad skills with the snow shovel because it had already flown off by the time i started swinging and thereby escaped harm. lucky for the bat. my mailbox on the other hand wasn’t able to fly away and i promise you it will never be the same. i hit it enough to make sure that it knows whom it serves. my mailbox will never betray me and host a killer vampire bat again.
my run for the day
- distance – 3.0 miles
time – 28:19
pace – 9:27/mile
weather – 19°/snow