the battle for gettysburg

thursday had a grey, somber sky which foretold a day of carnage and pain. this was the day that either the terrells or the bush/yellow jacket axis would win the war. i approached the battle with a slight amount of fear. after all , i had twice suffered the pain of stings for broaching on the bush’s territory. yet, this was land that must be reclaimed for the terrell household. i decided i would start my attack slowly and hold back on some of my ammunition of raid. i hit the bush with a pole trying to confuse it and then immediately start an insecticide carpet bombing to generally soak the area with anti-yellow jacket poison. alas, my enemies were to smart for this tactic and stayed in their cover. i knew i would have to take a more aggressive approach and therefore i went and stepped all around the enemy azalea bush. immediately, the stinging fighters flew out for the bush’s defense. i ran in fear and then turned to spray the onslaught of insects. they fell quickly as the poison entered their systems.

it was at this point that i felt a good taunting was in order. i insulted the insect’s mothers. i made fun of the bush. i referred to them as the rejects and losers of the natural world. it was an impressive display of ridicule. sadly it did not achieve it’s desired result. instead of breaking the spirit of the insect tormentors, it merely egged them on and they began their second attack. this time their anger had been stirred and they came at me with a vengeance. it was at this point that i ran tail tucked between my legs inside my house.

i was dejected. i knew that i would never be able to defeat this bush/yellow jacket union. i was ready to give up. in fact, i would have given up if it had not been for noah, my youngest son. the boys knew i had been engaged in battle. they had in fact been standing at the window watching as the engagement took place. noah asked why i had come inside. i told noah i had come in for safety. his response, “you have to face your fears, dad. now go outside and face those fears.” (i promise he said this).

well, i couldn’t let my son down. i ran to my closest and wrapped myself from head to toe in clothes. i was now armored and ready to face these psycho insects. i went to the bush and stomped all over it laughing and calling it names the entire time. i turned around and started spraying every flying thing i could see. they went down quick, but for every one i killed another one came out of the hole. i went through one can and reached into my jacket pocket for the second can. by now i had finally discovered where the entrance of the nest was. i began to spray the entrance with the precious poison found within my can of raid. it had it’s desired effect and lowered all the dreaded insects.

with it’s defenses down the bush went quickly. the final stage of the battle was done in less than a minute. 5928 gettysburg is now safe from the dangerous yellow jackets and their benefactor the azalea bush.

viva la gettysburg!

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