i was off work today and had plans to paint a little in the homestead today. painting requires my painting clothes. it’s not the best looking combination of clothes. i’m wearing very baggy jean shorts with a hole in the butt, a completely worn out t-shirt, and cheap flip flops. you combine this with the fact that i didn’t shave or comb my hair and i’ve been quite a sight all day.
don’t get me wrong, i very rarely “primp up.” being “put together” is just something that doesn’t really matter to me. i like being myself and having a very casual, uninterested style (if you can call that a style). the difference between today and any normal day was that today my looks would give small children nightmares. of course, this wasn’t a problem for the majority of the day because i was in the house. it became a problem tonight when i decided to go get a movie for pam and i. i forgot to make myself look respectable before going out. so i took my flip flops an myself to blockbuster.
when i got there it took me awhile to realize that every time i moved to an isle everyone on that isle slowly moved away. i was oblivious to this while i was looking for my movie, but once i found the film became to obvious to me. i was making people uncomfortable because you should simply never trust a guy with a hole in his butt and flip flops when a cold front is coming through. i think this is a law of nature or something.
i figured since i was obviously making people uncomfortable i should have a little fun with it. so i started walking close to people in the “new releases” isle. most of the “new releases” stink anyway so i thought i would just chase them to the older movies. make them think about something good to watch rather than just grabbing a new flick that is probably a cenimatic disaster anyway. if you had been in the store you would have seen me slowly, but intentionally “chasing” people around the “new relases” isle. when i tired of this i decided to up the ante a little. i stood in the highest traffic isle and drooled. i didn’t act like i was mentally retarded or anything because i think that’s wrong. you can’t help being mentally retarded so it’s not humorous. stupid people who don’t have to be stupid are funny, but the handicapped are cool because they have to overcome allot. so i stood there like a normal guy, who was dressed very shabby and drooled. at least i thought it was fun.
i think the salespeople/chasiers at blockbuster were glad to see me go because when i was checking out the cashier “comped” the goobers that i was buying and the late fee that i had on my account. free snacks are a sure fire way to get me to live you’re store.