excuse me

friday, i was at a class retreat for a local private school. as a part of the retreat there was a worship service and a within that there was a sermon. while the sermon was going on i went to sit in the group of kids. i figured that my mere presence (as intimidating as it is) would calm everyone down. the message had just started when suddenly i head “brrrrriipppp” about two people away from me. it was a loud, long, and vicious rip of personality that appeared to have come from the lower orifice of a person not three feet away from me. of course, his position was easily determined because of the fact that everyone in a nice little circle around him turned around and looked straight at him. everyone smirked and laughed but he kept on looking straight ahead. after all, what could he do?

i didn’t say anything to him because i figured there was no need to tell him not to fart during the message. after about 5 minutes of the message once again the sound came from the same guy. everyone started laughing again. it was an embarrassed sort of laughter. everyone was hurting for this kid. i still didn’t say anything to him because i simply wasn’t sure what to say. surely, he wasn’t doing this on purpose, so why tell him to keep it quiet. i simply assumed that he was trying to release a silent but deadly and it slipped out louder than he had expected. while pondering this another fart was released.

we were all really embarrassed for the kid but he just kept looking forward. i figured now i had to say something to him, but what would i say? how do you tell someone to keep the farting quiet? how do you tell someone not to have stomach problems?

while contemplating this i saw the kid’s foot movie and heard the fart sound again. turns out he had been making the noise with his foot the whole time. suddenlt it all made sense. it had seemed kind of wierd the whole time that i never smelled anything.

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