i’m presently in the air between chicago and new orleans and since i am very bored of reading turabian (writer’s guide of style) for my class tomorrow, i though i would post something on the blog.
each month i have to complete a report to send to the mwbc to receive my funding. it’s really no big deal because the questions i have to answer aren’t that difficult. truhtfully, i think the whole thing is done just to make sure that i actually am working on planting the church rather than just using church planting as an excuse for a paid year long fishing excursion. the first pastor i ever worked for said that ministry could be the easiest or the hardest job a person is ever involved in and that each person decides which it will be. i would say that this is even more true of planting a church. i could sit around and do nothing all day long until my funding runs out, or i can try to use every opportunity all day long, seven days a week to try and accomplish what i believe GOD has called our family to. hopefully, i done more than just sat around. i think i have. anyway i figure that the report that i complete each month serves two purposes: 1) it hold me accountable to actually be doing stuff, and 2) it shows a history of the birth of the church.
one of the question that i have to answer each month is “in what areas are you struggling right now as a church planter?” the question always intriques me. the main reason i find the question interesting because my struggles are almost always the same … fear.
most of the time i know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my family and i are doing what GOD wants us to do. in fact, i love doing what i get to do everyday. there are moments where i will call pam at the university just so i can tell someone about the small but great things that happen during my day that i am positive are leading to the planting of tapestry. i can see it happening. i’m convinced that GOD is going to do things thorugh the planting of tapestry that bring people to him. i’m convinced thi whole thing is going to come to pass and it will be amazingly cool. i see tangible things happening and real relationships growing that convince me more and more that we were right concerning what GOD wanted.
all of the above is true most of the time. of course, there are other times.
i don’t talk about the other times much. i don’t usually tell them to anybody except for pam because truthfully they scare me. these times always to bring to mind the old parable of human nature being two fighting dogs and the dog that wins is the one that has been fed the most. i don’t want to dog of fear to win, so i don’t focus on it much when it’s one of those times.
you see every now and then i start to freak out concerning what we are doing. the closer we get to september 14th (tapestry’s launch date) the more often i have brief moments of “what if i was wrong?” you see i don’t have a plan b. this is it. we moved up here to plant a church that honors GOD and that’s that. it would be a lot easier if i knew there was something i could fall back on, but i don’t. that’s what causes me to have moments of fear.
i don’t like those moments.
thankfully they don’t last very long.
usually doing these moments i pretty quickly see something that reminds me that GOD is in control and that he honors the work (no matter how pathetic) of those who agree to follow him. i’m real thankful for those things that remind me and i’m even more thankful that the moments of fear are few and far between.