this was the temperature this morning. oh yeah -8°. that was at our house at 8:25 a.m.
yaktrax
when it started snowing last week i stopped running. it has been slick enough on the roads and sidewalks when i was just walking my dogs and i was not real excited about the thought of actually running on that stuff. so i stopped. it seemed like a reasonable solution to me. of course, we’re probably going to have a pretty good amount of snow around here and i really want to be ready when jim and jill come up here to run the green bay marathon (my brother-n-law and his wife are, to quote my 13 year old, “beast mood” and therefore i need to be in shape when they get up here). this means that i need to train and training means that i need to run.
i mentioned my problem to one of the guys that i play basketball with and he immediately sent me after yaktrax. these thing a combination of rubber bands and metal springs. i guess they work pretty much like tire chains for your feet. all i know is that they work. i’ve run 6 miles in them now and have felt safe during ever stride.
icicle?
have you ever wondered what an icicle falling through your window sounds like? well it apparently sounds exactly like a cat pushing a one liter glass jar half full of lose change off a 5′ tall chest of drawers at 5 a.m. while you are asleep.
actually, i have no idea what an icicle falling through your window sounds like but i know exactly what the cat pushing the jar of change off the 5′ tall chest at 5 a.m. sounds like and i know that when we were jarred (no pun intended) awake by that sound pam and i both thought that an icicle had just busted through one of our windows.
i hate cats.
my run for the day
- distance – 3.0 miles
time – 28:04
pace – 9:22/mile
weather – 10°/snow
terror ice
mailboxes are not supposed to be scary. that’s pretty much a rule. if you look up the operating code of the us postal service i would bet money that one of the rules you will find within the volumes of bureaucratic red tape is one saying “mailboxes are not supposed to be scary.” i’m sure of it.
of course, no one told my mailbox this rule.
last night while i was shoveling out a place in the snow for my trash can to sit in (yes friends in baton rouge that’s what you have to do when you have a 3 foot berm of snow where your garbage can is supposed to sit) i noticed that there was about 10″ of snow on top of our mailbox. since i had a snow shovel in my hand and i like to be kind to postal workers i decided that i would remove the snow from the top of the mail box. that way when the postman (or woman) went to put letters into the terrell family box he (or she) would be pleased to not have any shaken snow fall unto his (or her) hand. i personally think it’s always a smart idea to be nice to your postal worker. that way when they end up “going postal” they will have pleasant thoughts of you and at the very least give you a running start.
anyway, i tried to move it with my gloved hand but it turns out that the snow had melted a little and had snowed from 10″ of snow to 10″ of ice block. so i decided to use the shovel to push the ice/snow off the mailbox. that’s when the shovel hit the latch and accidentally opened the the door of the mailbox.
i really had no idea that huge vampire bats like to hang out in mailboxes. did you?
when the door of the mail box opened up a HUGE vampire bat came flying out right at my face. i know it was huge because i wouldn’t have been scared of a small bat … and i was scared. i was also able to discern that it was a vampire bat because it went for my neck, obviously to attack me and get a free meal. thanks to my “matrix“-like moves i was able to dodge the bat’s attack. since i still had the snow shovel in my hand i quickly went into my own attack mood. this bat was going to pay. vengeance is mine saith the robert!
apparently the bat sensed my mad skills with the snow shovel because it had already flown off by the time i started swinging and thereby escaped harm. lucky for the bat. my mailbox on the other hand wasn’t able to fly away and i promise you it will never be the same. i hit it enough to make sure that it knows whom it serves. my mailbox will never betray me and host a killer vampire bat again.
my run for the day
- distance – 3.0 miles
time – 28:19
pace – 9:27/mile
weather – 19°/snow
december prayer email
white CHRISTmas
yes the terrell family had it’s norman rockwell day today. last night it snowed 10″. since we haven’t been around snow in seven years the dogs, the kids, and pam and i went outside and had a snow ball fight. it was a blast. i think some of the most fun was watching the basset hounds go from hating the snow to loving the snow in a matter of 15 minutes. after an afternoon of playing in the snow we drove about 20 minutes to a CHRISTmas tree farm in the area. the farm was a “cut your own” farm that had a guy in a santa costume, hot chocolate, a hayride, lots of CHRISTmas music and the view of the farm was from the other side of a frozen lake – very cool. since we have a valuted ceiling in our living room we were able to get the largest CHRISTmas tree that pam and i have ever had. it’s at least 10′ tall. the tree is huge. an added benefit was that every tree over 5′ at this farm is only $25. woohoo.
frostbite
today was the 2007 frostbite race. it’s a 5 & 10 mile race through the wintry streets of stevens point. i haven’t run over three milers since injuring my calf. therefore, i thought this was as good of a way to begin training for a marathon again as any. of course, when i signed up i didn’t know the race would take place during the first winter storm of the season. the guys and girls running the 10 mile race had ice beards by the time they got back in. it was immensely cool (or cold depending upon how you think of it).
my run for the day
- distance – 5 miles
time – 58:11
pace – 11:39/mile
i hate the cowboys
i had to go to three different places tonight to find enough standing room to be able to watch the packer/cowboy game. i finally reached the point where i didn’t feel like standing up anymore and i drove to three other places looking for a little more leg room. there wasn’t any. i ended up coming home half way through the third quarter and watching the game on the internet.
i hate the cowboys.
SIDE NOTE – a friend is doing some graphic design for tapestry. as a part of her prep work she asked for most of the basic information you would expect (name, address, website, why we exist, goals, what colors do i like, etc.) but she also asked for 5 emotional words that will describe the church. that was more taxing than anything else. i thought it was an excellent question. here are the words that i believe will fit best:
- adventuresome
- gritty
- connected
- intimate
- wonder
what i’m even more interested in is what words a guest, a member of the community, and a skeptic would use about tapestry after it gets going. it would be interesting to see what words such people would use of a lot of churches.
SIDE SIDE NOTE – i REALLY hate the cowboys.
pink slip
yesterday noah came in from school and immediate went to the computer. no “hi” “what’s up” or anything. he went to the computer and went to work. this is not typical so i asked him what he was doing. he said he was typing something up for houston industries. of course, you are probably now asking yourself “what is houston industries?” noah and one of his friends decided to create a company – houston industries – houstin is the ceo and noah is the president. i asked noah what houston industries did and he told me ” we make stuff.” when i asked what kind of stuff his response was “just stuff.” that was good enough for me.
anyhow, noah was working on something for houston industries. i looked at the screen and it said:
you’re fired!
i had to ask noah about this. he said they had “hired” another kid because they need employees to make “stuff.” unfortunately the kid they had hired had “gone mad with power” and tried to fire noah. therefore, they had to release him.
today they decided to re-hired the kid but first they made him sign a contract that said he would not “go mad with power.” they are considering making all employees sign a contract like this.
fights
last week i posted the second of the series of emails i am sending to some young friends of mine for whom i am officiating their wedding ceremony. they are getting premarital counseling from a great guy who is geographically closer than i am but i still felt like i would be remiss if i didn’t make sure a few things were covered. i’m actually 99% sure that the counselor will cover this stuff but i would rather send a useless email than not have some things covered.
anyhow, here’s the third email.
hey guys. i hope you have both had an absolutely incredible week. in my opinion the engagement period is an incredible time of relational growth. that level of commitment pushes your relationship to new levels. that pushing can be an absolutely amazing time of really defining your love for one another. it also brings with it new stresses and heightens your awareness of stresses that were already there.
and thus tonight i would like for us to talk about fighting (actually we’re not really talking at all because we are 15 hours away from each other – so basically i’m the only one talking right now but hopefully you both will read this and then talk together about this and other issues). if you both can fight well then you will find yourself way ahead of the game. couples fight. it’s a part of every relationship. it’s also usually a chance for correcting something or understanding something that has not been discussed or needs to be reconsidered. couples that don’t know how to fight usually find that they fight a lot and tear each other apart. learning to fight well is key to a wonderful marriage.
i know much of what i am about to say is going to sound unrealistic but if you consciously incorporate these things into your lives you will find they start to happen more naturally.
in my opinion the keys to fighting well are found in the following:
- fight with a goal – i know that sounds odd so i will explain. fights usually break out because one or both of you is hurt by something or feels like something is not going the way that person expects it to go (i.e. a need is perceived to not be met – emotionally, physically, sexually; an event or circumstance does proceed in the manner that one or both spouses expects; etc). the fight breaks out when one or both of you finally reaches the point of thinking “if i don’t change this it will continue to happen” or one or both of you responds in anger at being hurt. the first reason is usually why newlyweds don’t fight that much in the beginning but then start to fight more a few years down the road. some attribute the “seven year itch” to this first reason also – the mindset being “i’ve got to change things now or i’m stuck with it forever.” for whatever reason, be it emotional pain, frustration, or both, you will have fights. the goal is that you keep in mind what your ultimate goal is. i believe that when you fight you need to keep yourself focused on why the fight is really happening. it is very easy to shift gears into just wanting to win the fight or wanting to make sure the other person is hurt just as much as you are. when this happens you’ve lost focus on your goal. the goal should be to correct whatever was the source of frustration or hurt. fights can be wonderful things when the goal of relational improvement is at there focus. a fight can be the first step to correcting something that will just become worse later on. for example let’s consider money. i’m going to assume that one of you is a spender and one of you is a saver (this is actually unrealistic because most people are a combination of both, though they don’t necessarily see themselves that way). assume the spender wants to go buy something that the couple has budgeted the money for and has on hand and the saver turns on the guilt just because they would prefer to hoard the money away. this could lead to a fight the first time it happens or after years of it happening. when the fight occurs it can be a chance to work through the situation or just a time to hurt each other. when you fight always try to keep one goal in mind – i want to have the greatest marriage ever. if you fight with that goal then the fight will lead to things being made better. this also helps with making up afterwards because fighting with a goal leads to better fight endings and making up is a whole lot more fun when the fight has ended positively rather than one or both of you being hurt worse.
- fight with an aim – this is kind of the same thing as above but with a slight twist. it’s real easy during a fight to start bringing in more and more subjects. one person starts arguing because of one subject and the other person brings in an issue that has been bothering him and then the first person brings in another issue that has been bothering her. when you do that the fight isn’t really going to do anything other than release some pent up emotions. most likely nothing will be resolved as a result of a fight that has lots of different issues in it. in the movie “star wars: a new hope” there is a scene where all these pilots are attacking the death star (oh yes, you know you are experiencing fine premarital counseling when the “star wars” scenes are brought out). there are also sorts of dangerous distractions around the pilots but the lead fighter just keeps on saying “stay on target.” that target, and not the distractions, is what really matters. when you argue “stay on target” because if you “stay on target” you are much more likely to actually resolve the issue. the other issues that come up can be dealt with at another time (i usually say give it a day – in fact i would suggest that you literally set a day and time to discuss each issue that’s brought up in a fight). when you “stay on target” and resolve the issue the fight was about you have stepped a little closer to the marriage you want, and of course, it’s easier to make up after a successful fight.
- fight fair – you both know each other pretty well already and you will get to know each other better and better as the years go by. you will know what brings each other the most joy and you will know where each other are the most tender. that’s what makes it so easy to hurt the person you love – you know where they will hurt the worse. in a fight it becomes real easy to move from trying to correct a situation to just trying to win. you stop listening and just start thinking of what to say next . this is bad enough when friends fight but it is 10 worse when a married couple fights because they each know exactly how to slit each other throats. resist with all you are worth the temptation to “go for the juggler.” talk slowly while you are arguing so that you can make sure and not say the thing that will hurt your spouse the most. this goes against human nature but then again so does selflessness. when you agree to be one you are saying that you will put the other person in front of yourself. this is just as true in an argument as it is in any other part of your marriage. i don’t mean that you should “roll over” during a fight. remember the point of a fight should be to resolve an issue. i do mean however that you should never, ever, ever attack your partner’s weak points just to win the battle. this also means that you never go to the past to bring up those most painful memories that have already been dealt with. you are not enemies in a fight (enemies wish to defeat each other). you are partners who are working out a problem. if you fight fair you both will leave an argument whole, and of course, making up after a fight is much better when neither spouse has been emotionally mortally wounded by the other.
- fight knowingly – most likely you each have different methods of communication. in an argument one of you probably emotionally shuts down while the other is looking for as much communication as possible (i’m just guessing here). if this is true what usually happens in a fight is that one person clams up while the other one just keeps saying “will you please talk to me.” or possibly one of you is a shouter while the other person just needs to escape for awhile. whatever your normal means of dealing with conflict you both need to know and understands how each other reacts. you then need to respect how each other deals with conflict. for example you might find yourself sounding like the following – “is everything okay because you seem mad?” “i’m fine” “no i can tell something’s wrong because of your tone.” ” i don’t have a tone and i’m fine.” “no something is definitely bothering you because you’re being short with me.” “I’M FINE!” you could translate this conversation as “i need you to tell me what’s wrong” and “i need time to think through things.” if you both learn how each other handles conflict you’ll go far down the path of solving the issues that you are arguing about. the person who clams up needs to recognize the other person’s need for communication and fight against their normal default and communicate just enough to meet the basic needs of the partner who is desperate for communication. the person who needs communication needs to understand the other spouse’s need to think through things before talking and therefore not press for more immediate information after the “clamer” has sacrificially given up some basic communication. if you know how each other fights you’ll be communicating better and by communicating better you will solve more issues, and of course, making up after a fight is much better when you have both communicated in a manner that each other understands.
email is the worst possible way for covering how to fight and therefore i am thankful that you will be meeting with frank, i’m sure he will cover it. there are some wonderful communication techniques that will help you to turn your fights into things that really help your marriage. all i’ve tried to do above is to cover a few basics.
now if we were meeting together i would give you some homework to do during the week. we’re not meeting but i figure i’ll still give you a little homework. so here it is, go out to dinner somewhere and do the following:
- talk about a fight you have had recently and honestly talk about what you think you may have failed at and succeded at in that fight (deal with you own issues rather than your spouses).
- talk about how you each deal with conflict and the bare minimum response that you need from each other in an argument (i.e. for the “talker” how little information will meet you need until the “clamer” has had a chance to think through things? for the “clamer” how much time do you need to think through things before the “talker” can expect some conversation?)
- talk about the things that would hurt you the most within a fight.
- talk about your experience with your parents’ fights. what have you learned from them for the good and the bad?
if we were meeting together i would actually have you fake a fight and we would talk through it (interestingly enough this once turned into a full blown fight right in front of me – made for an interesting hour) but of course we can’t do that 15 hours apart.