Month: June 2005

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sucks

the ceiling
budget crunches suck. our church is presently going through a small budget crunch right now. it’s not a major shut everything down “money crunch.” no, it’s a “let’s tighten our belt” budget crunch. it means that we need to spend less on what we are doing but we don’t have to stop doing everything. those far it hasn’t been a huge deal. i’ve had change a few things that we were going to do (i.e doing a different less costly mission trip, etc.) but i haven’t had to drop anything that we were going to do. until today.

since, i’ve been at parkview i’ve wanted to change the way we use interns. when i first came here i was given two intern positions. the problem with intern positions is that the intern almost always has another thing that has priority in their life (usually school or another job). whatever it is all that matters is that there is almost always something else (besides GOD, family, and their own being) that pulls at their priorities. because of this my experience has been that interns are rarely completely passionate about the youth ministry and often (but not always) what they do comes across as a job that they enjoy doing but not a passion that they have got to express. to a large extent student ministry is my “voice” (“vocation” comes from the latin word “voca” meaning “voice”). what i do is an important part of expressing who GOD has made me and thus i try to pour myself into what we are doing youth ministry-wise. interns are pulled in different directions and it’s hard to get one whose “voice” is youth ministry (mainly because they are just beginning to discover what they “voice” is). that’s why i moved to get rid of the two part time, year round interns positions and instead we now have alan the assistant youth minister whose “voice” is definitely ministry.

with the above paragraph said i love interns – just not for a full year. instead what i would like to be able to do is “hire” 6 to 7 interns ever summer. the difference between a summer and a year is that being an intern for a summer gives you a good taste of ministry. that taste helps a person to discover if ministry is their “voice” or not. that’s the reason that i would like to have 6 to 7 interns every summer – i want to be a part of helping future ministers discover their “voice.” this summer was supposed to be the first step toward that goal. the personnel committee approved 1 intern for this summer with the understanding of bumping it up to 2 next summer. i told them my whole desire of wanting to give kids a “taste of ministry” and they agreed with it and jumped on board. i even had the perfect candidate ready for the positions – a girl that i know would do a great job. the problem is that the budget went south and now the personnel committee has to focus on other things. so they nixed the intern position (because it had not started yet).

i don’t blame the committee – they were doing what they had to do. but it still stinks.

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we’ve got a blind date with destiny … and it looks like she’s ordered the lobster

nicaragua #4our mission trip to nicaragua is july 28th to august 4th. we only have room for a few people and thus it is a “first come, first served” situation. in order to reserve your spot you need to turn in a $100 deposit as soon as is humanly possible. the past two years it has been an amazing trip spent being involved in the lives of some incredible people. i’m sure this year will be even better.

i can not stress enough that if you want to be a part of this week in nicaragua then you need turn in your deposit as early as possible. if you don’t turn in a deposit you’ll come to me saying “oh robert i want to go to nicaragua with y’all” and all i’ll be able to do is say “no nicaragua for you!” then of course, i’ll laugh in your face and push you down on the ground. once you’re on the ground i’ll probably kick dirt in your face and throw rotten eggs on you. it will all be very discouraging and humiliating. i wouldn’t wish that on anybody. so turn in your deposit quick like.

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the summer

the youth ministry summer is rolling and i am already tired. this is not a good sign.

on the good side i got to hang with my niece and a member of the youth ministry today as they tried to eat a one pound cheeseburger each so they could get their pictures on the wall. they succeeded and i was greatly impressed. i have been even more impressed with the teens in our youth ministry reaching out to people. they always do a great job of reaching out to the “foreigner” (anyone who doesn’t seem to “fit” for one reason or another). i’ve seen them reach out to new kids, socially awkward kids, kids with terrible diseases, etc. it regularly blows me away. it has been particularly pleasing to experience it first hand. my two nieces have been with our family for the week and our teens have reached out to them in great manners. they been asked to spend the night, go out to eat, go for coffee, go to a movie, and much more. i love watching this and i love my teens.

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evil boy scouts

pouring
today pam, the boys, my nieces, and one of the neighborhood kids went with me to global wildlife in folsom, louisiana. while we were there i heard a story from the tour guide that reinforces how evil the boy scouts are. here’s the story.

awhile back a group of boy scouts went to global wildlife really wanting to see one of the lamas at the park spit. you see lamas spit at whatever they feel is threatening them. it’s one of their defense techniques. the boys scouts really wanted to see this defense and thus they grabbed the lama’s ears, thumped it, hit it, and pulled it’s tail in an attempt to get the lama to spit. eventually they succeeded in ticking the lama off and it began to spit. that’s when the boy scouts learn some new and valuable lessons concerning lamas.

first, lamas don’t actually spit. no it’s not spit that shoots out of their mouths but rather vomit. the vomit stinks and continues to smell for quite some time even after you have tried to wash it off. imagine getting sprayed by a skunk and you’ve got the right smell.

second, the boy scouts learned that lamas don’t spit just one time. no lamas apparently really like spitting at their enemies and thus do it with great vigor. so lamas continue to spit/puke on their enemy until it has run away from them. if the boy scouts had been on foot they could have actually run away from the lamas and thereby ended their vomit dousing. unfortunately for the scouts they were on a trailer being pulled by a tractor and the tractor had stopped at the lama’s spot for everyone to be able to feed them. thus the trailer wasn’t moving and the angry lama took full advantage of the trailer’s stationary nature.

thirdly, the now smelly boy scouts learned that lamas like to defend each other and thus when one lama spits on an enemy all the other lamas join it to protect their friend. so all the other lamas in the area joined the ticked off lama in continually spitting at the now covered in vomit troop of boy scouts.

finally, the rancid scouts learned that lamas are not easily tricked. the scouts sought cover in the only spot of defense they could find – under the bench that they had been sitting on. this meant that the bench was protecting their topside and the canvas tarp on the side of the trailer was protecting their side. unfortunately, there was a small open crack between the floor and the side tarp. the lamas soon found this crack and began spitting through it. by the end of the trip the boys scouts had learned not to mess with lamas.

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national gluttony day

anna's victoryalyica's victory

today in honor of gluttony i got to be the chauffeur for my niece anna and alycia (our resident youth ministry gangsta) on their quest to eat the one pound hamburger at “cheeburger, cheeburger.” i had serious doubts about them being able to do this but i was proved wrong. here alycia and anna hold up their pictures of victory. truthfully i got sick just watching them eat that much. i still can’t believe they got it all down.

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rainy days and mondays always get me down…

give me some candy
we tried to take “the nieces” to alligator bayou yesterday for a real louisiana experience. unfortunately, it stormed the whole time we were there and they had to cancel that evening’s boat ride through alligator infested waters. of course, we spent an hour waiting before they actually canceled the ride. during that time we entertained ourselves as best we could. me and noah played “slaps” for an hour.

“slaps” for those of you who don’t know the game is an old school yard game. there are two versions that i now of. in the first version you face your opponent and place your hands face down on his/her upward facing hands. your opponent then tries to slap your hands while you are trying to move them away from being hit. the problem is that you can’t jerk your hands away until he/she actually tries to slap your hands. if you do jerk your hands away three times before a slap actually occurs then your opponent gets a free slap. the second version works with your opponent holding his/her hands together pointing at you. you hands begin against your thighs. you then try to slap your opponent’s hands while they try to remove their hands from danger. the three false jerk rule applies here also.

the beauty of this evening was that i was playing “slaps” against an eight year old. i don’t often have a definite advantage in life but i did in this game. my advantage was that noah had never played “slaps” before. i was older, wiser, and better at “slaps” than my eight year old son and because of that greater level of skill i decided to make him pay for all the times he had abused me. all the times he “accidentally” hit me in places that didn’t need to be hit. all the times he stole my bacon while i wasn’t looking and then tried to play the “i’m your cute little son” routine. oh yeah, he was going to pay. so we played “slaps” and i was going to pop him hard. i had decided that even when he started crying “dad, i don’t want to play anymore” we would continue playing. i would just kept screaming “this is good for you – it will toughen you up!” i was a man on a mission – to beat my eight year old son at slaps. pay back is a pain and noah was about to learn this.

unfortunately, noah stomped me like a stray grape and the backs of my hands are still sore this morning.

still, it was about as good of a way to waster an hour as i could think of.

the above photo is of the pet nutria they have a alligator bayou. he basically sits around and eats dum dums all the time. that was about as much animal excitement as we could get from the soaked evening.

Posted on

national gluttony day

anna's victoryalyica's victory

today in honor of gluttony i got to be the chauffeur for my niece anna and alycia (our resident youth ministry gangsta) on their quest to eat the one pound hamburger at “cheeburger, cheeburger.” i had serious doubts about them being able to do this but i was proved wrong. here alycia and anna hold up their pictures of victory. truthfully i got sick just watching them eat that much. i still can’t believe they got it all down.

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sing it barry


alan, the assistant youth minister at parkview is speaking at the ring tonight on growing in our love for CHRIST. i tried desperately to convince him to start his message off by asking for the lights to be dimed and playing barry white’s song “can’t get enough of your love” but he is too much of a chicken to do it. it thought it would be a great intro and set the perfect mood. as we all know setting the perfect mood is really important when it comes to love. 🙂

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coward #2

garbage
it’s been a long, enjoyable day with my family (both nuclear and extended since pam’s nieces are staying with us for the week) but i needed to take a second to call a coward a coward. another anonymous postcard concerning the drama that is presently going on in our church arrived in the mail today. previously we have had anonymous letters but now someone has started sending out anonymous postcards. the picture above is today’s postcard which as usual has no return address as well as nothing on it indicating where it has come from. COWARD! i hate anonymous letters and anonymous postcards. i took the picture of the postcard after i had thrown it in the garbage. that’s what becomes of anonymous letters and postcards.

Posted on

evil boy scouts

pouring
today pam, the boys, my nieces, and one of the neighborhood kids went with me to global wildlife in folsom, louisiana. while we were there i heard a story from the tour guide that reinforces how evil the boy scouts are. here’s the story.

awhile back a group of boy scouts went to global wildlife really wanting to see one of the lamas at the park spit. you see lamas spit at whatever they feel is threatening them. it’s one of their defense techniques. the boys scouts really wanted to see this defense and thus they grabbed the lama’s ears, thumped it, hit it, and pulled it’s tail in an attempt to get the lama to spit. eventually they succeeded in ticking the lama off and it began to spit. that’s when the boy scouts learn some new and valuable lessons concerning lamas.

first, lamas don’t actually spit. no it’s not spit that shoots out of their mouths but rather vomit. the vomit stinks and continues to smell for quite some time even after you have tried to wash it off. imagine getting sprayed by a skunk and you’ve got the right smell.

second, the boy scouts learned that lamas don’t spit just one time. no lamas apparently really like spitting at their enemies and thus do it with great vigor. so lamas continue to spit/puke on their enemy until it has run away from them. if the boy scouts had been on foot they could have actually run away from the lamas and thereby ended their vomit dousing. unfortunately for the scouts they were on a trailer being pulled by a tractor and the tractor had stopped at the lama’s spot for everyone to be able to feed them. thus the trailer wasn’t moving and the angry lama took full advantage of the trailer’s stationary nature.

thirdly, the now smelly boy scouts learned that lamas like to defend each other and thus when one lama spits on an enemy all the other lamas join it to protect their friend. so all the other lamas in the area joined the ticked off lama in continually spitting at the now covered in vomit troop of boy scouts.

finally, the rancid scouts learned that lamas are not easily tricked. the scouts sought cover in the only spot of defense they could find – under the bench that they had been sitting on. this meant that the bench was protecting their topside and the canvas tarp on the side of the trailer was protecting their side. unfortunately, there was a small open crack between the floor and the side tarp. the lamas soon found this crack and began spitting through it. by the end of the trip the boys scouts had learned not to mess with lamas.