as i posted yesterday j.t. (blessed be his name) made it onto marko’s blog and thereby became a youth ministry god. being a vain and conceited person i released my not so veiled attempt to goad marko into linking to a post on my blog. all i got was a comment. for those too lazy to visit the comment i post below what the great middle school one said:
nice. write a post like j.t.’s, and maybe — just maybe, i’ll link to you.
the problem here is that this is nigh impossible. j.t. (blessed be his name) is … well … a youth ministry god, and i’m not even a youth minister anymore (unless you count the only adolescent we have in our church but i like to call that parenting instead of youth ministry). there is no way that i can write a post like j.t.’s. (blessed be his name). you might ask well ask porky pig to speak eloquently or dwight schrute not to be weird. it’s just not possible. remember j.t. (blessed be his name) is a youth ministry god and i can’t compete with a god.
i actually think that one of the main reasons that j.t. (blessed be his name) can write such remarkable posts and i can’t is because of the differences in our hair. here’s a south park inspired version of j.t. (blessed be his name) on the left and a simpsons inspired version of me on the right.
notice the clean aerodynamic lines of j.t.’s (blessed be his name) head? this helps wind to flow smoothly over his head and thus prompts the exchange of heat between his head and the air. this heat exchange is key to maintaining the proper temperature of the brain and thus promoting amazing thoughts. on the other hand (or head), look at my head. the hair there ruins the flow of air and thereby kills the heat exchange. if i think real hard without this exchange of heat my brain freezes up until it cools down. yes i am missing a good bit of hair but my widows peak is just enough to stop the proper flow of air. some of you might be thinking that i could solve this heat exchange problem by shaving my head to look like j.t.’s (blessed be his name). the problem here is that my head looks really bad when bald. it’s a disability and it’s not real nice of you to point out my disabilities.
so as you can see i will never be able to write a post as good as j.t.’s (blessed be his name) and thereby get marko to link to my blog. as far as i can see this leaves me with only one other option of drawing the attention of the the great one of middle school knowledge, marko. i will kiss up to marko as much as humanly possible. in seminary i always hated it when people went up to the professors after class with the obvious desire just to get the prof’s attention. i thought i would never become one of those people but this is so much more important than my theological education. it’s marko’s blog and therefore i’m willing to humiliate myself as needed.
if this fails i’ll probably just start a psuedo-marko blog, link to myself, and pretend like it really is marko. if i pretend, then no one will know the difference.